Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
