these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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