he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
