Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
