Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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