If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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