My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
