i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
