he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
