Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
