either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
