in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
