my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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