Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we should paint friendship bongs
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
