three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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