the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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