final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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