I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
