WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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