That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
