this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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