Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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