The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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