Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i out mim tonsoeep
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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