If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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