Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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