He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
