Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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