I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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