BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
