After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
