Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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