my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
