my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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