We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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