WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
