After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize