Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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