Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
