u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
