found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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