you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
