need another drink. this is the easiest way
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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