it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
