peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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