She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
