My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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