Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I FOUND THE LEGS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
