Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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