I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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