Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize