I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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