somebody snuck up and got me drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
