Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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