There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This house was built for laser tag.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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