How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
