It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
