I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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