Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize