ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
