I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
