party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
