when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
