I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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