i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
