Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
