Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
