well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is Oprah even human
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
