Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
