why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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